Who Do You Say that I Am?

I'm not the person I want to be. When I consider the people I admire the most, the individuals I would most want to emulate in faith, love, and life in general, I am nothing like them. I am not the woman I thought I would be and I don't live out my vocation the way I thought I would. Growing up I had an incredibly strong desire to be a wife and mom and I guess I always sort of assumed that meant I would be a natural at all of that. Spoiler alert - I am not! For several years I have just forged ahead and opted for the "fake it til you make it" approach. Some things have gotten easier and it would be false humility to say that I have not come a long way, but I am not where I want to or who I want to be. And for the first time in my life I am willing to ask Why? in a way that is not accusatory. If God has revealed anything to me in the last year it is that when I am confronted by my inadequacies, my sin, my brokenness, I can face it in one of two ways : Accusation or Invitation. 

In John 8 we hear the story of the woman caught in adultery. She's guilty. There is no getting around that. These men didn't bring her out and grab stones because they had a suspicion - her guilt is real and Jesus does not suggest otherwise at any point. But to Him that is not the ending but the beginning. Jesus waits until they are alone and asks her those famous words "Has no one condemned you?". She answers and He replies "Neither do I condemn you. Now go and sin no more." There is no denial of guilt here or minimizing of sin, but there is an invitation to forgiveness and renewal. 

I have heard that in Hebrew the word Satan actually means "Accuser" and if so that is so perfect, isn't it? When we sin or face our brokenness that is exactly what Satan does - accuse us. "You lost your temper again!" or "You say you want to change but then why do you fall into the same sins over and over again?!". "You will always be like this!". It can be so easy to fall into his trap because there is an element of truth to it, isn't there? Yes, I did lose my temper again. Yes, I do tend to fall into the exact same sins over and over again. Denying it, getting defensive, or pretending it's all lies doesn't work. My brother Joe once told me that in seminary a professor told the class that life is a little bit like a play (stay with me). The characters are set, the stage and props aren't going to change, but the lighting is up for grabs. You can let God control the lighting or you can let Satan do it. The Bible says that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". That is reality and we do have to face reality. But we need to make sure that we are facing God's reality, seeing our identity through the eyes of God.

In Matthew 16 Christ asks His disciples a little bit of an odd question - Who do people say that I am? Maybe it isn't actually a weird question but it always struck me as such. Why does Jesus ask this? Why does He care? And then the answers are all over the map! A reincarnated Elijah?! John the Baptist?! I'm not a scholar or an expert so I'm sure I'm missing all sorts of important things here but I guess I always pictured this scene playing out a little comically. But then it shifts and we get Simon's profound confession regarding Jesus' identity - "You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!". I can honestly say that before today this passage didn't really resonate with me. It was more of a "That's nice. Moving on" chapter of the Bible for me. But that changed today. I have been wrestling so much with the question "Who am I? What kind of a mom am I? What kind of a wife am I? What kind of a woman am I?". The words from this passage popped into my head as I was driving my kids and running errands today so I looked it up. Do you know what happens when Simon accurately acknowledges the identity of Christ? Christ reveals Simon's identity - 

"Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.
[18] And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it.
[19] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." 

Simon Peter didn't ask Christ "Who do you say that I am?" but Christ told him anyway. If Christ had asked him "Who do you say that you are?" he would have answered "Simon Bar-Jona, fisherman and disciple of Christ." An acceptable answer. But not the whole answer. Only when we acknowledge who Christ is, WHO GOD IS, can we ask Who do you say that I am? 

I am not the person I want to be. But this is the beginning, not the end. This is the invitation. And I can't wait to answer it and ask my Lord and Savior, Who do you say that I am?