Who Do You Say that I Am?

I'm not the person I want to be. When I consider the people I admire the most, the individuals I would most want to emulate in faith, love, and life in general, I am nothing like them. I am not the woman I thought I would be and I don't live out my vocation the way I thought I would. Growing up I had an incredibly strong desire to be a wife and mom and I guess I always sort of assumed that meant I would be a natural at all of that. Spoiler alert - I am not! For several years I have just forged ahead and opted for the "fake it til you make it" approach. Some things have gotten easier and it would be false humility to say that I have not come a long way, but I am not where I want to or who I want to be. And for the first time in my life I am willing to ask Why? in a way that is not accusatory. If God has revealed anything to me in the last year it is that when I am confronted by my inadequacies, my sin, my brokenness, I can face it in one of two ways : Accusation or Invitation. 

In John 8 we hear the story of the woman caught in adultery. She's guilty. There is no getting around that. These men didn't bring her out and grab stones because they had a suspicion - her guilt is real and Jesus does not suggest otherwise at any point. But to Him that is not the ending but the beginning. Jesus waits until they are alone and asks her those famous words "Has no one condemned you?". She answers and He replies "Neither do I condemn you. Now go and sin no more." There is no denial of guilt here or minimizing of sin, but there is an invitation to forgiveness and renewal. 

I have heard that in Hebrew the word Satan actually means "Accuser" and if so that is so perfect, isn't it? When we sin or face our brokenness that is exactly what Satan does - accuse us. "You lost your temper again!" or "You say you want to change but then why do you fall into the same sins over and over again?!". "You will always be like this!". It can be so easy to fall into his trap because there is an element of truth to it, isn't there? Yes, I did lose my temper again. Yes, I do tend to fall into the exact same sins over and over again. Denying it, getting defensive, or pretending it's all lies doesn't work. My brother Joe once told me that in seminary a professor told the class that life is a little bit like a play (stay with me). The characters are set, the stage and props aren't going to change, but the lighting is up for grabs. You can let God control the lighting or you can let Satan do it. The Bible says that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". That is reality and we do have to face reality. But we need to make sure that we are facing God's reality, seeing our identity through the eyes of God.

In Matthew 16 Christ asks His disciples a little bit of an odd question - Who do people say that I am? Maybe it isn't actually a weird question but it always struck me as such. Why does Jesus ask this? Why does He care? And then the answers are all over the map! A reincarnated Elijah?! John the Baptist?! I'm not a scholar or an expert so I'm sure I'm missing all sorts of important things here but I guess I always pictured this scene playing out a little comically. But then it shifts and we get Simon's profound confession regarding Jesus' identity - "You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!". I can honestly say that before today this passage didn't really resonate with me. It was more of a "That's nice. Moving on" chapter of the Bible for me. But that changed today. I have been wrestling so much with the question "Who am I? What kind of a mom am I? What kind of a wife am I? What kind of a woman am I?". The words from this passage popped into my head as I was driving my kids and running errands today so I looked it up. Do you know what happens when Simon accurately acknowledges the identity of Christ? Christ reveals Simon's identity - 

"Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.
[18] And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it.
[19] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." 

Simon Peter didn't ask Christ "Who do you say that I am?" but Christ told him anyway. If Christ had asked him "Who do you say that you are?" he would have answered "Simon Bar-Jona, fisherman and disciple of Christ." An acceptable answer. But not the whole answer. Only when we acknowledge who Christ is, WHO GOD IS, can we ask Who do you say that I am? 

I am not the person I want to be. But this is the beginning, not the end. This is the invitation. And I can't wait to answer it and ask my Lord and Savior, Who do you say that I am?

Better Late Than Never AKA I wrote this in the middle of August

Summer is done. Its conclusion feels as abrupt as that sentence and I am about as prepared for the beginning of a new school year as food poisoning. OK, I am less apprehensive about it than I am about food poisoning but there is still a slight nausea associated with the very idea. This Summer was good. It wasn't great. After all when you start with a miscarriage it takes a bit to even the score. Still, as many tears were shed there was a great deal of laughter, blessings, and memories made. So in honor of Summer coming to a close I give you some of its many highlights....

- Indiana Visit -

  

A conference in Michigan meant special family time for the kids and me with Ben's family in Indiana. It came on the heels of my D&C and I was shocked by how exhausted I was but when you are with my husband's family you are spoiled rotten and this was no different. In a way I think it was healing to leave home for a bit and reset

 

- Virginia Beach -

We made a last minute decision to take our very first family vacation and naturally we chose the beach. Johnny screamed for a shocking amount of time on the drive down but by the time we reached our hotel and, more specifically, took the kids onto the beach it was completely worth it. Ben and I had not been to a beach since our honeymoon in the Summer of 2012 and the kids had never seen the ocean. Leo and John were absolutely enamored; Tessa was terrified and did not go in (on purpose) once. The sleeping arrangements posed some challenges but I think that's the way of things when you choose a hotel instead of a condo and it was still 100% worth it. 

- Vacation Bible School -

Sadly I did not think to take ONE SINGLE PHOTO during Vacation Bible School but suffice it to say that somehow I went from being a kid going to VBS to being a mom with a child old enough to attend VBS for the first time. I mean WHAT?! It was absolutely surreal dropping him off and I was a little worried that he'd freak out as soon as I left so when it came to pick him up I held my breath. But despite a few nerves and missing us he had a fabulous time and the week went beautifully. It also allowed me to begin tackling a project at home that I was very excited about...

- The Bathroom Remodel -

I hate 70s style wood trim. Seriously. I hate it. I don't think there's really anything from the 70s I care for actually but warm-toned wood trim is pretty high up there on the list. So between that and the dull/dirty cream walls and the out of place dated wannabe-French cottage style vanity I just needed to get in there and do something. After I started I realized how out of my depth I was and man alive I learned a LOT in the process. I mean, I don't think I could do it much better now but I could sure as heck tell YOU what not to do! Anyways here is the proof that it done got did 

As you can tell by the horrible symmetry of the photos above I don't really understand how to post photos. I could probably figure it out but that is close to the bottom of my To Do list....

- Staycation -

Vacation for my side of the family involved zero travel for us and by and large I am a big fan of that! I was pretty skeptical about a week of everyone hanging out here in good 'ol Virginia but I was pleasantly surprised by how smoothly things went. The days were stupidly hot but we still managed to do a lot of fun things - Air and Space museum, Wild Animal park, a few trips to the pool, etc. The evenings were full of conversation and games. Despite some hiccups along the way I can say that it was one of my favorite family vacations and my one major regret is that I didn't use my camera nearly enough!

Nobody Knows How to Say Goodbye

It was early March and we were killing time the best way we know how - reading books. A month or so after he turned a year old John finally joined the ranks of his story-loving siblings and so the couch is perpetually littered with a mountain of board books. This day was different, however. He had no interest in any of those books and instead kept going back to the bookshelf and fetching the same book : I'm a Big Brother Now. At first I laughed out loud and said "Don't get any ideas, buddy!". I figured it would be too long for his short attention span and put it back. But he kept going back and getting it and finally I acquiesced and read it. It was the new obsession for several days. We read it countless times and no matter how hard I tried to interest him in the other books he would take them out of my hands, place them on the floor, and make me read the one book. After about a week of this I decided to take a test. It was almost like having a joke with myself. Wouldn't it be absurd if John was onto something? And then the test came up positive and the joke was on me. I was in absolute shock. There was a plan. This was not part of the plan. This was so very much not the plan.

Brother's Intuition

The next two days were extremely emotional. I kept looking at John and thinking HE is still a BABY! Even in 9 months he is still going to be a BABY! And what about me? I had been struggling with inexplicable insomnia since John started sleeping through the night (ironic much?). I was finally scheduled to see a specialist to test for adrenal fatigue but guess what - they don't see you if you're pregnant. And guess who has intense pregnancy insomnia? THIS GUY! And of course there would be the progesterone supplementation, the varicose veins, the sciatica... Needless to say I was hosting one killer pity party. But something changed after those couple days. Probably a simple case of grace. I started to feel excited. We decided to tell the kids and their exuberant reaction was more than I had hoped for.

The excitement stayed strong but the stress began to mount again before long. My doctor informed me that progesterone shots were unavailable - the manufacturer only makes so many in a given batch then lets it run out (nationally) for awhile before sending out another batch. So we would have to try capsules and guesstimate dosage because yes, my bloodwork showed that my levels were low with this pregnancy too. It was Holy Week when the bleeding began. I had spotting with my last two pregnancies but this was different. Still I wasn't having any pain so it was not textbook or what my friends and family had experienced. My doctor ordered an ultrasound even though I was just over 5 weeks along and bloodwork for more clarity. The ultrasound showed a large hematoma and not anything else; the bloodwork showed that my hCG levels were very high. It was Good Friday and right around 3 pm when my doctor called. I was washing dishes and I kept thinking of Job, The Lord Giveth and the Lord taketh away -- blessed be the name of the Lord, and the phone rang. The radiologist and my doctor had conferred and they said I had miscarried. As far as Good Fridays go that one felt pretty darn appropriate.

Even though I was early on my doctor said I should get a D&C so we scheduled it for the next week.  The closer to the appointment I got the more emotional I became and the more I didn't want to go through with it. It was not progressing like a normal miscarriage and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. When I went in and met with the new doctor I told him I wasn't going to have a D&C without another ultrasound. He surprised me by not only being supportive of my decision but saying that my chart hadn't convinced him that I was going through a miscarriage. He told me I might as well start taking the progesterone again just in case. The next 10 days were very hard. I was completely torn between grief and hope. After what felt like a lifetime I went in for the ultrasound. And this is what I saw

I didn't even need the nurse to point out the heartbeat - I could see that beautiful heart working as soon as I looked at the screen. Still it was one of the most beautiful sounds I ever heard. Our little one was 7 weeks 5 days old and ALIVE! There was a substantial subchorionic hematoma which meant that I was at high risk for miscarriage and "needed to take it easy" (what does that even mean?). Still, I left the office feeling like I was walking on Cloud 9 and started calling my loved ones. We shared tears of joy and joyful disbelief. It was a total miracle! And for a couple more weeks we celebrated that miracle and loved on that sweet baby. Then things took a turn. 

On Friday, April 27th I went in to the doctor's office and had a very different ultrasound. My little angel was there but this time there was no heartbeat to measure, no heartbeat to listen to. I was so grateful for the compassion of the midwife and doctor that morning. I was so grateful that they didn't balk when I told them that after the D&C I wanted our child's remains so that we could have a proper burial. I was so grateful to go back home and hug my three children and amazing husband. It is not lost on me what an incredible privilege and blessing it is that I had children at home to hold and it was, and is, a balm to my aching heart.

It is a little over 3 weeks since we found out that we had lost our Joseph Mary. I am grateful for the healing that has taken place and I look forward to the healing that will come. More than anything I am grateful for the irreplaceable gift of this child's life and the time we had together. I will always be this child's mother and I will always carry him (or her) in my heart. I am grateful that I had the amazing gift to see him when he was alive and to hear the beautiful sound of his heartbeat, to be able to have pictures to keep. It is every parent's hope that their children will go to Heaven... I know I already have one there waiting for me. Love you so much, sweet baby <3

7 Quick Takes

 

Linking up with Kelly...

- 1 -

My kids love to draw. Because I am a lousy mom I keep about 5% of their art. Before you award me with the "Worst Mom Ever" trophy please understand that on average my kids produce about 8 to 10 two-sided pages of drawings per day. I'm pretty sure the forests out there are plotting our demise as I write this. At any rate there is a folder that I put some of the art and my 4 year old son has some real winners. 

Existential crises abound in the Egg People...

- 2 -

 As Leo was drawing the other day we had this exchange...

Leo : Mom! Come over here and look at this creature! But don't look there because those are his private parts...

Me: What?! Draw some clothes on your creature!

Leo (chuckling) : He can't wear clothes - he's way too fat!

Me : Leo, we do NOT draw private parts

Censored by the artist

- 3 -

The weather has been beautiful over the past week so we have been spending lots of time outside. The kids still aren't sure what to make of having a big yard. Pretty sure they don't think we are the actual owners.

Perhaps the best photo I've ever taken

Nothing like a pleasant drive in the grass..

Some days she lives in this dress

My little beauty

Tess didn't want to leave that tree

- 5 -

Us country folk have burn piles. Most people use them to burn leaves, branches that fall from trees, etc. We inherited a burn pile from the previous owners. I say "burn pile" but really I mean "burn mountain"

 

For the sake of scope

I don't look forward to dealing with this. We have an acquaintance who has offered to help us burn it safely and thank goodness because I don't think we had any idea just how out of our depth we were until we started talking strategy. On the upside, the pyro in me is like 

- 6 -

We started preschool the other day and it's hard to stress how not structured or serious we are about it. The only thing that we have real lessons for is the alphabet (we've tackled the short vowel sounds for "a" and "e"). This may or not be sticking. It does help fill the time a little and at least it exposes the kids to the alphabet so hey, small victories. One hilarious byproduct is that Leo has taken to asking Tessa and me to repeat things after him with no context whatsoever, asking me to correctly identify things in his drawings, and congratulate me when I say something he deems accurate. 

- 7 -

If you happen to have competitive toddlers I highly suggest buying this game. Actually I just recommend the game. My kids have been having a blast playing it and since it's cooperative we end each game with highfives instead of tears. We bought it so that my 2 year old would have a game that she could play with us without feeling left out or confused. It arrived the day of her special night of the month and she was tickled pink to be able to stay up playing a real actual game with mommy and daddy (and the sleepless wonder)

~ Happy Friday ~

I Am Not Enough

I was never someone who struggled with figuring out what my vocation was. WHO my vocation was? Yeah sure that took longer than I expected. But the whole "wife and mom" thing was on my radar for forever. I don't say this because I think I'm a rarity here - plenty, if not the majority, of women have felt similarly. What has come as a shock is how much I struggle in this vocation. I like to joke that I was a much better mom before I had kids.

↑

I know the blogosphere is FULL of posts about how hard motherhood is, how tough marriage can be, how there isn't enough support, etc. etc. etc. But while any number of those speak to how I feel none of them have been in my own words so what's one more? 

I am not enough. There. I said it. This is the refrain that I hear in my head almost all day and the majority of my nights thanks to The Sleepless Wonder 

John AKA The Sleepless Wonder

I am not enough. I am not patient enough. I am not selfless enough. I am not loving enough. I am not kind enough. I am not good enough. I am not holy enough. I am not smart enough. I am not strong enough. I am not talented enough. I am not woman enough. God made a mistake. I am not the mom these beautiful children deserve. I am not the wife my amazing husband deserves. I AM NOT ENOUGH.

I can't do it. I can't make another meal plan. I can't do another load of laundry. I can't wash the same dishes one more time. I can't keep my temper in check. I can't survive on the consistent lack of good sleep. I can't be touched by one more person. I can't handle one more temper tantrum. I can't keep the house clean. I can't let anyone see how inadequate I am. I CAN'T DO IT.

Before you start with the words of encouragement or disapproval I need you to understand that that is not what I am looking for. I need your prayers. Because whatever you might think the truth of the matter is that I am right - I am not enough and I can't do it. Maybe these thoughts begin as seeds sown by the Devil, thoughts that are meant to make me despair. Sometimes it feels like that. But our God is a Father and He does not abandon His children, even if it might feel like it sometimes. So I can sit here and say these things and find consolation because even though I am not enough, He is. Even though I can't do it, He can. And today that is enough.

I will end this with two scripture passages that mean a great deal to me these days. Hopefully you will find consolation in them as well.

 

7 Quick Takes : Life Lately

 

Linking up with Kelly...

- 1 -

We bought a new house last week and moved in over the course of this past week. It's funny how that's such a simple sentence to type and such an absurdly difficult thing to accomplish in reality! I don't understand complicated things like Math so I am not going to hazard a guess as to how much my husband moved completely solo with the help of our trusty van but guys, it was A LOT. I am talking about a minimum of 8 separate trips with the Odyssey ENTIRELY LOADED (seats down/out). Who loaded and unloaded the van each time? My husband. Also, one trip involving a 16-foot moving truck. Forgot that one. Seriously insane.

- 2 -

We now live out in the country. Beforehand we lived literally one minute from downtown, was on city water/electric/trash, etc. We now have a well and septic system (I don't even know what that really means), are part of an electric cooperative (I DEFINITELY don't know what that means but I do know that we have power), and it takes a little more planning to go downtown. A slight shift in lifestyle shall we say.We aren't hardcore (or even medium-core really) like a lot of families and pay someone to come and pick up our trash. He is the quintessential mountain man - huge, bearded, deep voice, and a giant truck.

- 3 -  

Our property has 3 beautiful acres; our last one had .17 acres. There is a lot of responsibility that comes into owning land. While the lot is beautiful it is in need of a lot of reclamation. I am truly in awe of what has been accomplished already this week thanks to the amazing hard work of my father in law and my husband and I cannot wait to see what the next several months (years?) will bring. This brings me to...

- 4 - 

My in-laws visited this week to help us with unpacking and settling in. If you can have someone like them in your corner at a time like this you are pretty much set. After 2 1/2 days every box was unpacked, art was hung, windows were dressed, bathroom fixtures installed, play equipment for the kids put up, and the yard tackled with gusto. There are simply no words to describe the night and day difference. I am so blessed!

- 5 -

Our backyard butts up to a heavily wooded area and seems to be home to a number of deer. These deer frequent our backyard a few times every day and the kids absolutely geek out every time. It will be a lot of fun to see what it's like in springtime when there are fawns about.

- 6 -

We are starting small. Maybe someday down the road we will be living on a farmette with a ginormous garden, fruit trees and fruit bushes, chickens, dogs, cats, etc. but that is not in the cards for right now. I say this because I need this in writing. I need to have documentation that I said this, believed it strongly, and knew at the time I wrote it that trying to act differently would almost certainly result in me going crazy.

- 7 -

Tessa and Leo started sharing a room last night and while the older brother might not be as over the moon as the little sister, warm fuzzy feelings are generally felt by all. The original plan was not to start them in together so soon but once bedding and a mattress were bought and set up Tessa would not hear of anything else. The awesome thing about this (other than the inevitable loss of sleep) is that JOHN CAN NOW HAVE HIS OWN ROOM! That's right ladies and gentlemen - one of my children might actually have their own sleeping space before the 12 month mark! I'm pretty sure I can hear the angelic chorus joining me right now.

~ Happy Friday ~

7 Quick Takes : Music Edition

 

Linking up with Kelly for some quick takes with a musical spin. I am crazy about music, y'all! Before kids I would spend literally hours searching for new music - indie/folk, alternative, pop, techno (those were dark days), religious, instrumental, etc. I am the kind of person who dreams about going on a cross-country road trip for the sole purpose of listening to music with the windows down for hours on end. So anyways, I am not up on the musical scenes these days but here are a few that I have found over the past year or so that I love. Enjoy!

NOTE : I never watch the music videos (free listening purposes only) and only occasionally check out lyrics so if some of these songs are not 100% kosher... well, you've been forewarned 😜

- 1 -

SYML - Where's My Love (acoustic)

This is my most recent discovery. I have no idea what it's about and I don't care. I just love the melody and how mellow it is. 

- 2 -

The Lumineers - Holdin' Out

 

I have never seen Storks and I don't imagine I will ever see it but I love this song. 

- 3 -

The Lumineers - Nobody Knows

 

Such a beautiful soulful song. Some day it will be blasting out of my rolled down windows with me singing along like an idiot.

- 4 -

The Lumineers - Angela 

OK yes I have a problem and it's called The Lumineers.

- 5 - 

 Modest Mouse - Float On

This song is perfect when my day needs a reset. I could be in the worst mood ever and this just makes me laugh. We all need one of those!

- 6 - 

Vance Joy - Mess is Mine

 

Vance Joy is hit or miss for me. I tend to like a good bit of his material but this song resonates with me in a big way because my husband is my rock and I, well, I am a bit of a mess most of the time.

- 7 - 

Rich Mullins - Step by Step

This song usually reduces me to tears. I <3 Rich Mullins. 

These are by no means by top 7 favorite songs of all time. Goodness knows you can't workout to most of 'em but they're often in rotation these days and I had to cut myself off somewhere. What are some of your favorite tunes? 

~ Happy Friday ~

7 Quick Takes

 

- 1 -

Grandma and Grandpa bought the kids Hungry Hungry Hippos over the weekend. In true Tessa form she eschewed the marbles for people and placed their heads delicately in the hippoes mouths. A bit macabre but props for realism...

Hungry Hippos Took a Dark Turn

- 2 -

Over the past few weeks I've forced myself to indulge in cuddle time with all three kids. It's always easiest with the baby as he loves to fall asleep with my chin tucked against his head and seriously, it's easy to allow myself to soak up those minute. Cuddle time with the older kids involves a little more refereeing and patience and frankly it's more of a sacrifice. BUT it's a very gratifying sacrifice that means a lot to them. It reminds me that they're still young and even if they are able to walk and talk they need love and attention too. And I need to give of myself - those few minutes of no phone or Internet, just content to be with each other and enjoy the time together. Which reminds me, John turned 4 months old this week and I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone!

My sweet baby

<3 <3 <3

- 3 -

I had my first night out with friends since well before the baby was born and it was amazing! My selfless husband watched John for almost two whole hours so I could eat French fries, try my first Mojito (!), and enjoy the company of two incredible friends. How good it is to laugh!

- 4 -

Our local Walmart just began online grocery shopping and local pickup and I am happier than a fat kid with a tub of ice cream! To be able to avoid the insanity of shopping with three kids four and under is worth it's weight in gold. No dirty looks, no temper tantrums, no space cadets colliding with unsuspecting shoppers, no more impulse purchases - just drive, load, return! Produce elsewhere but that's how things went before anyway. Thank you Walmart!

- 5 -

I've slowly been reintroducing dairy into my diet and the baby has not been having any noticeable reactions. Part of this could just be the fact that milk supply has dropped so much and supplementing I so high but I remain optimistic! And now the issue is how to reintroduce without going on an insane binge because oh dairy, how I missed you and all your glory!!!!

- 6 - 

House hunting is the pits. At least here in Virginia. And I know we don't have it nearly as bad as others do but I'm complaining here so for the moment let's just assume I do have it the worst. Of anyone. Anywhere. Ever. Because when something sucks sometimes perspective helps and sometimes you want to punch perspective in the throat. Seriously why does everything have to be so expensive?! And who is building these family un-friendly homes?! How hard is it to just build a house that allows for interaction and hosting but still has separate spaces so you're not on top of each other? Why is everything so flimsy? Where is the sense of permanence? We would build but guess what else is expensive - LAND! And that's if you can even find good usable build-able land that's for sale. Around here hundreds of acres are owned by a few individuals who either keep it or sell at extravagant prices. At the end of the day I know God will provide. He always does! I'm just so ready for Him to provide now 😜

- 7 -

Speaking of God, how is your relationship with Him? Before John arrived I tried very hard to get at least 15 minutes of prayer and reading the Bible in every day. Since John's birth I don't usually pray unless it's out of desperation. Most nights I sneak into bed and realize Oh brother I did it again! I went a whole day without talking to God or listening and just asked for stuff when it occurred to me. Short of getting up before kids (No. Just NO!) what do you do to foster your relationship with God and grow in virtue on a daily basis?

7 Quick Takes

 

- 1 -

I'm going to settle for a cartoon depiction and not a selfie on this one

On the one hand I cannot believe that I am only 30 weeks pregnant because it boggles my mind that I can continue to get bigger for the next 10 weeks. I expressed this thought to my husband and he assured me that I can and will... I think he may have missed the point but anyway. On the other hand, I cannot believe that at some point in the next 10 weeks (please God - let this little one have a different attitude than her brother) we are going to have ex-utero children! I know that I will love and treasure this little girl (I already do) but at the end of most days I feel like it's just been one parenting or spousal fail after another (on my end). For instance, it is only 8 am and Leo is already watching Disney's Robin Hood.

- 2 -

This is Leo's obsession. No other movie will do. We have tried to introduce other films and at the end of the day the only thing that our little lion desires is his beloved "Robbie". I had a theory that it was because it featured talking animals but 101 Dalmatians certainly held no attraction. In actuality that is totally fine because we only watched the first 20 minutes or so and I had forgotten that it is a rather dark movie. I still have high hopes for The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and The Rescuers Down Under, however, because those are two movies that I will always carry a strong affection for. Oh man, see what I've done?! I've completely strayed from my original point and that is that I never wanted TV to be, well, "A Thing" in our house. Maybe nature videos from Animal Planet and Discovery Channel but that was supposed to be the end! But that was before pregnancy insomnia reared its ugly hideous head and Leo went from waking up between 7 - 8 am to 6 am. Or even before 6 am. Which leads me to this...

- 3 -

I hate it when people use God's name in vain so please excuse that BUT that is the closest thing to how I feel when I hear Leo wake up in the morning before 7 am. That and this

- 4 -

There is no escape. Only coffee.

- 5 -

Thanks to a number of Facebook shares I recently discovered this site and have had some many much needed laughs. The cluster-feeding one might just be my favorite.

- 6 -

One of the best birthday gifts I have ever received came this year in the form of a subscription to Magnificat. It is easy to use and just so helpful in terms of providing a concrete way to incorporate prayer and meditation into daily life, which is something that I need to work on in a big way!

- 7 -

I know this is a super lame post and not exactly the best way to get back into blogging but I cannot stomach giving Leo one more moment of screen time this morning and the coffee hasn't kicked in enough for me to be creative. I guess I'll throw this one in since my last post mentioned the living project.

Yep - we actually finished it and managed to remain sane!

Now go see Jen!

~ Happy Friday ~