Saturday, January 21, 2012

Laziness : The Truth Revealed

I am going to start off with a quote from Albert Einstein

"The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest." 

It is precisely this kind of nonsense that this post is intended to correct. In the next few minutes and paragraphs I hope to clear up some misconceptions about laziness and get to the truth of the matter. I find myself uniquely qualified to comment on the subject as I am a lazy person. I find Einstein's comment to be both irrelevant and dubious. Why? Two reasons : 1) He was probably a workaholic and 2) He is deceased. That being said, I ask that you clear your mind, lay your presuppositions at the proverbial door, and believe everything I say without question. Ready? Perfect! Let's begin...

Laziness is hard. This is the deep, dark secret that those in positions of power and authority seek to keep. They would have us believe that laziness is "taking the easy way out" and leads to things like "sloth" and "lethargy" and French words like "apathie". And maybe they are right, but that does not mean it's a cakewalk! Who has a harder time, I ask you - the hardworking idealist or the slothful pragmatist? The idealist is full of energy and passion that propels him forward, leaving his fellow man behind in the dust with barely a second thought! Here are a few examples from my own personal life

1. It is much harder for me to get to work on time in the morning than it is for my coworkers because I lazily, repeatedly hit the "Snooze" button on my alarm clock instead of getting up when I ought to. By the time I actually rise from my bed I barely have enough time to slip into my clothes and race out the door!

2. Putting on my shoes takes more time because I did not undo the laces the night before when I lazily slipped them from my feet. I have to work that much harder than my fellow man just to put on my shoes!

3. It is harder for me to be proud because I do not take the time to do my hair like other women do. I have just about enough energy to do one of three things - 1) Brush it and leave it down 2) Pull it up into a ponytail or 3) Pull it up into a messy bun. Because of my laziness I cannot hope to walk down the street as if it were a catwalk or wow others with the luminous shine of my hair, the intricacy of a braid, or the elegance of a French twist!

4. I am often forced to eat the exact same type of meal multiple times a week because I am too lazy to prepare anything else or diversify when it comes time to go grocery shopping. On that note, I barely have any food in the house at all because I do not wish to go the grocery store in the first place!

5. I live amongst piles of unorganized materials (clothing, papers, etc.) and dust because I do not make myself clean properly or often! As a result not only does my physical health suffer, but my mental health is often affected as well! Sometimes I even forget what folded laundry looks like....

6. I have a much harder time winning an argument or sounding intelligent because I was lazy in all the years of school that I attended. How easy it is for individuals like Einstein to mock those of us who cannot recall the year of the Revolutionary War or what the difference is between Communism and Capitalism - they both begin with a "C", darn you!!!!

Now that you have had just a sampling of my own personal testimony, I hope that you will use care and caution in the future before judging those who have less drive and fortitude than yourself. It is important to note, however, that I believe the U.S. Government, E.U., etc. have made fantastic strides in the past several years in recognizing, supporting, and even furthering laziness! I can only hope that the enlightened attitude that they possess will be adopted by others and we can put these lies and misconceptions to rest once and for all.

I would write more, but I find that my fingers have grown cold and need a rest before I go play a video game.......

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Confession #1 : I don't know if it makes sense for me to blog. I am neither a homemaker or mother (for the next few months, at least), I am not especially crafty (or really crafty at all for that matter), I don't have mounds of wisdom or intelligent thoughts that need to be put down on paper (virtual or otherwise), I am not a master chef so any recipes that get posted are probably from All Recipes or someone else.

Confession #2: My biggest reason for doing this is that I stopped keeping a journal a year ago (due to superstition - no, I'm not kidding). Long story short, in all of the years that I kept a journal any time I wrote about the relationship I was in it ended and often ended badly. As soon as I started dating my now-fiance I made a mental vow that I would not write anything about relationship down, at least not on paper. It is absolutely ludicrous, I know, but I would rather not tempt fate. That and it is a whole lot easier to delete a post or backspace when what I'm writing/have written gets angsty or stupid. I am now going to stop writing about this because I feel a little dumber with each word.....

Confession #3: Anyone who knows me knows that I am rather bad with words, hence the title of the blog. My mouth and mind still have not mastered their relationship and it is rare for me not to trip over my words or put my foot in my mouth at least once in any given conversation (the length of conversation is of little consequence). It has become a bit of a running joke with my friends and family. And while I often find myself amused as well it can be a major source of frustration. I like to think that it's just God's way of keeping my ego in check (done and done). I have a much easier time writing/typing out my thoughts and I like the amount of control the "edit" and "backspace" button provide! I look forward to the day when I find a way to implement that into speech.....

Confession #4: I take my work home with me. Not physically (which would be illegal, actually) but mentally and emotionally. I work as a crisis pregnancy counselor. There are good days and bad days, easy weeks and challenging weeks. This week was challenging for me as a counselor. The first few days of the week were busy and filled with clients. Busy is not bad, but it can be exhausting. It is especially exhausting when you have a client who is in an actual crisis and not just showing up because her friends told her we provide free ultrasounds (which we do and are happy to do). One of the many clients I saw on Monday and Tuesday was what we refer to as AO (abortion oriented --> planning on having an abortion). Now, it is important to note that "AO" is not so much a category as a spectrum with "Open Minded" on one end and "Absolutely Decided" on the other end. My client was at the very edge of the spectrum and very much decided. Due to the incredible generosity and flexibility of our nurses I was able to offer the client an ultrasound that very afternoon. I could hear the sounds of the baby's heartbeat from outside the ultrasound room as I wrote my notes and put the client's information into the computer. Until that door opened I was able to nurture the hope that my client had changed her mind or, at the very least, was more open than before. These hopes disappeared as soon as that door opened. When you work at a crisis pregnancy center it does not take long for you to recognize the face of determination. I spoke with her a little longer and wished her luck as she left. I know that is the last time I will see her. And no matter how many times you experience that (and I have had my share, believe me) it does not get any easier. In a way I am grateful that it doesn't. I hope that I never grow callous to the loss of a life, no matter how small or new that life is.
The next day I found myself having a pretty easy day with plenty of time to catch up on client notes and sip delicious coffee. Then it happened. The second most difficult appointment I have had in my 1+ year of working at the crisis pregnancy center. Due to confidentiality I will not disclose any of the particulars, but suffice it to say that some people have a way of etching themselves into your memory and I will remember that client and that situation for the rest of my life.

Confession #5: I am a work in progress. I like to think that I have changed a great deal over the past several years and made a lot of progress, but I will be the first one to tell you that I have a heck of a long way to go. I have a quick temper, an impressive capacity for laziness, the tendency towards extreme selfishness, and the list goes on and on. It is important to note that being the type of person who trips over words AND has a quick temper makes for quite a cocktail. My faith life is not what I want it to be. I pray daily but let's just say I won't be giving any nuns a run for their money. I love the mass and love my Roman Catholic faith, but seem to regress into something like a toddler when it comes to things like attending daily mass. Again, a real work in progress...

Confession #6: I love to be entertained. I love music, movies, TV, books, etc. I like what I like and will admit that I do not have superior taste. For instance, I like Techno. No, not all Techno, but enough for it to be a little weird. I also like Usher and some of the other pop music that floats around the radio waves. Much to my chagrin I have even enjoyed some Katy Perry and Lady Gaga on occasion, though I will never purchase their music or patronize them. There are some boundaries at least.

Confession #7 : I will never make it on to Jeopardy. I doubt I could even swing Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, though if I was able to use "Phone a Friend" I imagine I'd have it in the bag.

Confession #8 : I am surrounded by incredible people. My family and friends make me the most blessed person on Earth. I tried submitting proof to Guinness World Book of Records but they were more interested in my height (OK, no, it turns out that I called the wrong number and ended up talking to a small Haitian man named Jubi for the better part of an hour. This is also a lie).

Confession #9 : I spend way too much time on the computer and on my iPhone. When I lose the data plan I have now and am forced to retire my iPhone I may cry. Or swear. Or just have no reaction at all. We'll see.

Confession #10 : I am an extreme sort of person. I am trying to find the middle ground and may even be making some progress but my natural reaction(s) tends towards the extreme. I get really passionate about, well, whatever I happen to be passionate about at that given time. This could be food (I love food), a TV show (I love TV), road trip (doubtful - I hate road trips), people (hmmmm), etc. If I decide I want something or want to do something I tend to want to do it IMMEDIATELY. For example, I had the church and reception hall reserved for our wedding before we were officially engaged. I thought about buying a car and then obsessed over cars for the next three weeks, causing undue stress on my poor fiance who I dragged with me to different car dealerships and websites every step of the way (luckily I ended up listening to reason and just kept the car I have now). Even my facial/vocal reactions are extreme. I try very hard to make this not be the case but it still escapes me. I once was on a blind date (worst. idea. ever!) and the guy stopped me mid-sentence to ask, in a suspicious/semi-alarmed tone, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a very... expressive face?". Yes, sonny, I've been told. I have also been told I am tall and that I am a female. Gold star.

Alright, well, I really ought to be going now. If you read this whole bit of nonsense then bravo - even I was bored by the end! My hope is to start living a radically interesting life so that I have something to blog about. Then again, if I accomplish that I highly doubt I will wish to spend my time blogging about it...

Confession #11 : I don't know when to shut up