Saturday, January 21, 2012

Laziness : The Truth Revealed

I am going to start off with a quote from Albert Einstein

"The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest." 

It is precisely this kind of nonsense that this post is intended to correct. In the next few minutes and paragraphs I hope to clear up some misconceptions about laziness and get to the truth of the matter. I find myself uniquely qualified to comment on the subject as I am a lazy person. I find Einstein's comment to be both irrelevant and dubious. Why? Two reasons : 1) He was probably a workaholic and 2) He is deceased. That being said, I ask that you clear your mind, lay your presuppositions at the proverbial door, and believe everything I say without question. Ready? Perfect! Let's begin...

Laziness is hard. This is the deep, dark secret that those in positions of power and authority seek to keep. They would have us believe that laziness is "taking the easy way out" and leads to things like "sloth" and "lethargy" and French words like "apathie". And maybe they are right, but that does not mean it's a cakewalk! Who has a harder time, I ask you - the hardworking idealist or the slothful pragmatist? The idealist is full of energy and passion that propels him forward, leaving his fellow man behind in the dust with barely a second thought! Here are a few examples from my own personal life

1. It is much harder for me to get to work on time in the morning than it is for my coworkers because I lazily, repeatedly hit the "Snooze" button on my alarm clock instead of getting up when I ought to. By the time I actually rise from my bed I barely have enough time to slip into my clothes and race out the door!

2. Putting on my shoes takes more time because I did not undo the laces the night before when I lazily slipped them from my feet. I have to work that much harder than my fellow man just to put on my shoes!

3. It is harder for me to be proud because I do not take the time to do my hair like other women do. I have just about enough energy to do one of three things - 1) Brush it and leave it down 2) Pull it up into a ponytail or 3) Pull it up into a messy bun. Because of my laziness I cannot hope to walk down the street as if it were a catwalk or wow others with the luminous shine of my hair, the intricacy of a braid, or the elegance of a French twist!

4. I am often forced to eat the exact same type of meal multiple times a week because I am too lazy to prepare anything else or diversify when it comes time to go grocery shopping. On that note, I barely have any food in the house at all because I do not wish to go the grocery store in the first place!

5. I live amongst piles of unorganized materials (clothing, papers, etc.) and dust because I do not make myself clean properly or often! As a result not only does my physical health suffer, but my mental health is often affected as well! Sometimes I even forget what folded laundry looks like....

6. I have a much harder time winning an argument or sounding intelligent because I was lazy in all the years of school that I attended. How easy it is for individuals like Einstein to mock those of us who cannot recall the year of the Revolutionary War or what the difference is between Communism and Capitalism - they both begin with a "C", darn you!!!!

Now that you have had just a sampling of my own personal testimony, I hope that you will use care and caution in the future before judging those who have less drive and fortitude than yourself. It is important to note, however, that I believe the U.S. Government, E.U., etc. have made fantastic strides in the past several years in recognizing, supporting, and even furthering laziness! I can only hope that the enlightened attitude that they possess will be adopted by others and we can put these lies and misconceptions to rest once and for all.

I would write more, but I find that my fingers have grown cold and need a rest before I go play a video game.......

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