Sunday, July 29, 2012

Weekend Ramblings

The past few weeks have been filled with all sorts of randomness. I tried to pick out a particular thought, obsession, or event to focus on but my brain is all muddled these days and so I just decided to break things into categories and ramble go from there. Enjoy.

I have always been rather obsessed with music. Until I started dating my husband it was completely normal for me to spend the majority of my time with music blaring and searching for new musical artists. I have an external hard-drive for the sole purpose of housing the several gigabytes of music that I have accrued over the years. And, sadly, this does not include the high school years (computer crashes are just evil). Now that I think of it, however, losing the music that I listened to in high school probably isn't the worst thing that could have happened. I feel this is even more true after the past few days, in which I spent some time searching YouTube and Amazon for several of the artists that I spent my angsty years listening to. I can only make it halfway through most of them before I shake my head and relish the fact that I have moved forward. There will always be a select few, however, that hold a special place in my heart, particularly due to the events and locations they are so intimately tied to. All this is to say that music has found its way back into my heart (and ears) and I am enjoying it immensely. The neighbors and my poor husband may have a different view...

Due to the advice of my doctor, I have spent the past few months trying to keep a relative distance between myself and some of the best foods reality has to offer (e.g. pasta, bread, desserts, etc.). Nausea has reunited me with most of them (crackers, anyone?) but I have tried to stay somewhat on track with the diet and continue to try and limit myself to one dessert a week. What this actually translates into is me spending (truly) hours scouring the internet for all the things that I cannot eat. My current food obsessions are Snickers bars, Reece's Cups, and pretty much anything with Cinnamon Sugar in it. The other night I went onto Pinterest and spent 45+ minutes looking up as many desserts that contained “Cinnamon Sugar” as I could. Let's just say that as soon as this Tuesday rolls around I won't be content until I am in danger of putting myself in a sugar-induced coma!
I will eat this entire cake myself

Speaking of Pinterest and prowling the internet, I have also devoted a great deal of time researching how to refurbish furniture. I have all sorts of devious plans for several of our bookshelves, the coffee table, and pretty much anything in the apartment that can be (theoretically) stained, painted, or distressed. I have no doubt that my husband is relieved that, due to a lack of proper space or ventilation, my insanity creativity will have to wait a bit.

Several months ago mutual friends of ours introduced us to the card game Deal Monopoly. This marvelous game has helped me to discover a few truths about myself –

1) I never did actually outgrow my, um, “zeal” for winning

2) It is important that games come with a strong and clear set of rules to prevent me people from taking advantage of others using questionable means to win.

I suppose that one day I will mature and relax and when the cards are dealt my eyes will lose that bloodshot look and my mouth will stop twitching. As evidenced by last night's loss, that day has not yet arrived.

This is actually not an existing obsession but rather a desire. I did used to devote a great deal of time to reading, but that was before my brain went fuzzy and atrophied. As luck would have it, I managed to marry the one man on earth who can handle someone like me and he sat down last night and penned an extensive list of “Must Read” books. So it is that in the upcoming weeks and months I plan to spend my many evenings delving into the truly wonderful world of paper and ink. This may require the direct injection of caffeine but still...

Because I was a mere adolescent during the 90's I happened to miss out on one of the more enjoyable sitcoms produced on TV. No, I'm not referring to Roseanne or Married with Children. I am in fact alluding to a certain Seattle psychologist with a receding hairline, quirky family, and more issues than the callers he deals with. Yes, that's right – Frasier! My husband and I had started to watch Scrubs but even with the marvelous character of Dr. Cox I just couldn't get into it. So we took the plunge and jumped into Frasier and are, at least for the moment, enjoying it quite a bit. Will keep you posted if this happens to change.

ladies and gentlemen, Martin Crane

At last the seemingly endless cycle of complete disorder has been disrupted! A few evenings ago I had a breakthrough of sorts and, despite the constant companionship of “morning” sickness, finally rolled up my sleeves and spent a few hours organizing, cleaning, and doing laundry! I know this isn't exactly the victory of the century but it was still a smashing success in my mind and a welcome reprieve from the growing piles of both clean and dirty laundry, dishes, and dust. Ben, of course, pitched in and was an indispensable help. And while the apartment is neither pristine nor perfect, it is a great source of encouragement for me to see that progress can be accomplished and that (semi) order can be restored, even in the haze of nausea, hormones, and exhaustion.


The weather finally decided to chill the heck out and return to a decent temperature bracket. This proved to be enough to convince Ben and me to peel ourselves off of the couch and venture into the great outdoors. We drove to St. Patrick's County Park and enjoyed a wonderful little hike under the forest canopy right along the St. Joseph river. One of the side trails even led us to a small bit of shoreline and we were able to take a brief rest on a conveniently fallen tree. It is amazing how much good just a little bit of fresh air and nature can accomplish

ben and his beloved shade


the river

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Sanity, Sanctity, and Cracker Crumbs

After a few months of no creative inspiration and a lack of anything to say, I decided to get married and get pregnant. Topic found.

So yes, the end of May rolled around and I found myself getting married. It's several weeks later and I still cannot decide if it was impressively smooth or was an unmitigated disaster. Either way I have decided that one trip to the altar is all I'm up for so that's that. People keep asking me what the most memorable moment(s) of the wedding day were or what stood out the most to me. The truth is that when I think about May 26, 2012, the main thing that occurs to me is how absurdly heavy wedding dresses are. That and I really should have just gone ahead and paid for that silly hem instead of buying heels to save money. Klutzes don't do well in heels. The rest remains a bit of a warm, humid blur dappled with smiling and hugs (so many, many hugs...). We went to South Carolina for our honeymoon and had a marvelous time, surviving a tropical storm in the beginning of the week and a wasp in our condo. We then returned to Indiana and began to settle in (the process is yet to be completed).

Returning to work after not working for several weeks took some getting used to, particularly the part that involved going to bed at a reasonable time and waking up at a very unreasonable time. There are perks, however, to having the kind of job I have. Several, in fact, but the one that was of particular interest to me was the access to free, medical-grade pregnancy tests. So it was that I was able to shock the living daylights out of my husband and both of our families with the news that Baby Reinhard was the on the way before anyone knew it was possible to know. I suppose you could say this is really just a shameless plug for the Women's Care Center and its wonderful services. Anyway.

I have to say that I find married life and pregnancy to be rather interesting. Both are founded on the principles of sacrifice and love and having one without the other is not enough. As it turns out, talking about them is easy – living them out is the difficult part. I wish that I could say that I am already the perfect wife and now a perfect mother in the making. I mean, really, I could say that. I'd be lying, but I could say it. I am not sure if it is the process of taking on a new vocation in general or if it is marriage in particular or if it is just ME, but I find myself being confronted by my own selfishness and inadequacies on a much more regular basis as of late. And by “regular basis” I do mean hourly basis.

When you are single, even dating or engaged, you can find ways to hide these faults and flaws or, at the very least, muffle them a bit. Well, the veil has been lifted, my friends. And, lest we forget, everything is slightly more compounded by the new and wonderful experiences of pregnancy. The medical professionals use the term “morning sickness” but I have my own choice words and descriptions for it. And then, of course, the overall exhaustion that permeates each day (yes, I realize how funny that must sound to you mothers of post-utero children). I have never been one to suffer silently or well so I am sure you can imagine how pleasant the past several weeks have been for those around me =)

There are times when I feel as though I have made progress and am truly venturing forth, beginning to stumble down the path towards sanctity..... granted, these are usually during or directly after sleep (unless it is that horrific space of time in the mornings when I have just awoken – at that point we're all doomed).

The bottom line is that I could use your prayers. And, really, I dare say my husband and future child could use your prayers as well. All three of us do have to deal with me, after all, and it would be preferable if we were able to pursue sanctity AND retain some measure of sanity. In the meantime, if you need me I will be on the couch, covered in cracker crumbs and looking towards the kitchen with a mixture of longing and repulsion.